View from the roof of the guesthouse during lockdown.

I have always been a proactive person. I’m a fixer, and a doer, and Lockdown has rendered me powerless with regards to fixing its cause, or doing anything about it considering we are in the tourism industry and our business consists of 95% international tourism. Other than keeping on top of things, making sure what needs to tick over ticks over, and being as proactive as the current situation allows within in the current confines of the state of disaster law I have taken a very philosophical approach to our new reality. As they always said in the Middle East when presented with a problem there was no immediate solution for, and even when there was, the lingua franca “What to do, yanni“ accompanied with a shrug and a bobble of the head spoke volumes!

Nature continues to thrive during lockdown while we struggle to find our feet…

I have to admit when the corona virus reality started filtering through to the Southern most tip of Africa there was a sense of disbelief. You vacillate between thinking the media is kicking up a storm, to maybe there is more to this than meets the eye, to wondering why people are still choosing to travel, and check in to your guesthouse. Here you are serving breakfast to guests while people in Italy are in hospital fighting for their lives with a virus our guests could be entering our home/guesthouse with. There was definitely a very surreal feel to it all, vacillating between wanting them to go home so you could keep your family safe, and needing them to stay so you could earn an income. Tough choices that the government in the end resolved by declaring a state of disaster rendering us powerless. The whole pandemic was starting to feel decidedly like a Hollywood blockbuster!

Beware the Coronavirus…

Abandoned – the effects of lockdown…

With this new reality we lost not only our income, but our social structure, and our connection to the very people we needed to comfort and needed comfort from. People, I wanted to console and hug and tell we will fight, we will do all we can, just hang in there, you will have something to come back to. Instead, I had to stand back and tell them they had to go home, there was no work and watch their faces fill with the horror and anxiety I was feeling…. How do I care for my family!?

In search of the new normal…

Left to our own devices without work, routine, or guests, we are now faced with a complete loss of structure, loss of social contact, loss of income, and our son who now has to remain at the other end of the country in lockdown because internal travel has shut down. After the first 3 days of Lockdown we were climbing the walls, we weren’t used to doing nothing! It now became imperative to create a structure and routine for a new order as there was nothing left of the old to fall back on.

Streets remain deserted till the worlds equilibrium is restored

Do I feel anger…. I am not sure. There are certainly aspects of this rather unusual predicament we find ourselves in that has made me very angry. Politically I think there is room for improvement, yet I do believe the President is acting wisely, but how do you look after the economy and the people. We certainly don’t qualify for any of the tourism grants because there is no black ownership in our company structure. We are paying dearly for the sins of our fathers here, but that is a reality we have to deal with! So yes, I am grieving for the plans we had, for the fact we can now no longer visit our son in Cape Town and share his 27^th birthday with him, or that he was not able to fly up for the Easter weekend, our loss of business, I can go on….. All minor in the grand scheme of things, but they remain my loss. The implications of what this means for us when/if the money runs out, depending on how long this goes on for… Well I cannot even afford to think like that. It is not going to get me anywhere. After the first 3 days of lockdown and doing nothing I had my panic, and my cry – no more, because all I did was feel worse! I am not in denial, and to be honest, feeling angry now feels like a waste of energy, it is not going to get me anywhere, and neither is it going to change anything. I do feel a sense of frustration around our loss of normality and the sudden upheaval foisted on us by this insidious little coronavirus, but holding on to anger will only result in me being unable to move on, and find the creativity I need to tap into in order to survive this.

Lockdown – only the animals are free and thriving

This Coronavirus Lockdown is going to be a roller coaster ride. The littlest things will trigger a bad day – Tears, or even an intense sadness, whether its listening to the news, or hearing someone say tourism will only correct itself properly by the end of 2023, or just having a bad day for no reason. All very normal responses to shock and change. They serve a purpose though, and they pass quickly. This is a lockdown journey, and the sooner we realise that the better for our own psyche! The assumption that it is going to end tomorrow, and things will immediately return to normal will not happen, as much as we want it to. I do believe finding a vaccine, or drug (inshÁllah) will make a dramatic difference, but till then, it is going to be a very bumpy ride.

Finding a balance between lockdown projects like gardening, keeping busy, and rest when nothing, but an armchair apocalypse looms….

As the anger fades and we begin coping better with what lockdown has delivered to our doorstep, for it will be different for everyone, we will start being able to accept this new reality, whatever that may be. No, I don’t feel sorry for myself, worried yes, and I hope that worry will translate into positive solutions, rather than paralysis.  I remain eternally grateful that I am in a marriage with an amazing man who I want to be with, and for our animals who remain a constant source of comfort by just being there. I am grateful for my daughter who is at home with us, who is compassionate, kind and caring towards others, in spite of the fact she has lost almost all of her income, and for our son, who we have contact with on a daily basis even though far from home , currently working, and safe. He is taking this bravely in his stride with compassion, and quiet intelligence. Most of all, I am eternally grateful to a very loving and generous family who has our backs through thick and thin, and of course very dear friends who keep me entertained with their antics via WhatsApp, FaceBook and Instagram (yes, you all know who you are).

Comfort in the repetition of a familiar pattern

My biggest concern at the moment is I only have one bottle of champagne left in the fridge, and alcohol may not be sold for the duration of lockdown!!!!

Beauty remains all around us if we stop to notice…

What I am working towards… That hopeful, optimistic state where I am able to be more creative about how to make this situation work for us – the constructive, productive part of my brain that is once again open for business (and painting of course!)

Some painting projects I completed during the last 36 days of lockdown.

2 Lemons
Acrylic on canvas
20cm X 30cm

Jug of tulips
Acrylic on canvas
20cm X 30cm

Jugs and bottles
Acrylic on canvas
30cm X 30cm

Potted geraniums
Acrylic on canvas
20cm X 30cm